All of us want to be successful as swingers. It doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in what style we swing. One of the nicest things about the swinging lifestyle is that most of us relate to each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and common courtesy; just as we ourselves wish to be treated. Think C.S.A.S.C. (Common Sense and Social Courtesy). If you employ the following suggestions or adapt them to your own situation, you should become a welcome participant.

1. BE COURTEOUS
Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously is how we all want to be treated - with kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In essence, courtesy is our treating people the way we ourselves want to be treated. Remember the Golden and Silver rules.

2. BE FRIENDLY
Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.

3. RESPOND TO ALL INVITATIONS
RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does not mean reply only if you plan to attend. The most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a group or another couple, is people who are discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good etiquette and good social courtesy demand you respond, by either calling or writing to say yes or no.

4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY HANDED
When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if there is something you can bring. It's amazing how many supplies, other than food are used up at an average party.

5. GO PREPARED
Take whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.

6. CLEANLINESS
Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or un-fresh breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. It is amazing what time to drive somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or rather undo.

7. RESPECT OTHERS' FEELINGS
Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.

8. DON'T BE PUSHY
If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an inviting way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not ever forget that.

9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU
Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are in the lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.

10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY NO
One of the basic etiquettes in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught most people that everybody is not right for everybody else. Improper handling of a situation, however, can lead to a lot of hurt or very bad feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime and it should be done with a simple "No, thank you". Never give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain.

11. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS
Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over-indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.

12. PRACTICE SAFER SEX
It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our partners. With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhoea, aids, yeast infection, etc., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.

13. CALL TO SAY THANKS
Most people only use the telephone if they are going to go somewhere. It seems the social ambience of a 'Thank-You Note' or phone call to someone whose hospitality you enjoyed has been lost. It means a lot to most people, and they will surely remember you when planning their next event. Don't you like to be thanked?

14. BE GOOD HOSTS
When you have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean wash-cloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.

15. ANSWERING ADS
All replies to an ad should be answered in two weeks even if it is a No. Remember not all people you write to are interested in you or your partners sexual heroics. A first letter should include a brief description of yourselves, where you saw the ad, your ad number and your social and sexual interests. An SASE should be included with your original reply as many couples receive a large number of replies which can be costly to reply to. When replying to advert on the Internet, ensure your reply e-mail address is correct.

16. ENJOY YOURSELF
Most important, have a good time, act out your fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy everything this lifestyle has to offer with enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.

RELAX and GET ACQUAINTED
When at an on-premise club or swing house party, you are there to have the best of times and to share the uninhibited enjoyment associated with those who have discovered a new dimension in their lifestyles. Once you have become familiar with the surroundings and staff members or host/hostess, try to become as at ease as you would be at any other social gathering. Don't hesitate to introduce yourselves to other people. You'll find them eager to welcome you and to help you blend into their circle of sincere comradery.

SOME TIPS ON ETIQUETTE
While you are advised to be congenial and outgoing, don't be "pushy". Many couples who are new to "swinging" often have unrealistic expectations and are not prepared to handle rejections that may sometimes occur. Freshly showered, perfumed, and neatly dressed people make more contacts. Don't let your personal physical idiosyncrasies stop you from having a good time. No one is perfect [although it is common for new "swingers" to see others as more attractive or more verbal as themselves]. Don't let your own mind be your worst enemy. Be prepared to handle rejection but don't take it personally.
It is important to remember that personal choice is the right of every individual and to 'respect that right' is only common courtesy. Learn how to accept "no thank you" graciously. Your approach -- which should be the same as it would be at any social setting -- is a key factor to your acceptance as a desirable partner/friend.
There are several variations to "swinging" and it is important that you and your mate decide, in advance, those which you like and dislike. Some couples prefer to be alone, while others prefer to be with other couples. Establish your own ground rules, but please decide on them before you start "swinging".

JOIN THE CONVERSATION
Some people will probably "break the ice" by introducing themselves, along with other couples they know. It's their way of making you feel at home. Feel free to join their conversation and you'll find that most of them will be happy to answer any questions you may have about the "swinging" lifestyle. Be open and honest. Tell them that you are new to "swinging" and you'll discover how helpful people can be.

START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT
On your first venture into the swinging scene, you may feel somewhat uneasy about seeing your mate with someone else. Some "swingers" want to share swinging with their mate and feel uneasy having their mate leave to another room with someone. Everyone has their own reasons for their feelings and all feelings are real and should be respected. To avoid embarrassment or disillusionment, discuss your inhibitions with your mate beforehand. Both of you may be more comfortable after talking to other couples and learning how they handled their first "swinging" session.

If you have a question that isn't addressed here, just ask us.

I'm interested, but how do I get my wife interested in swinging? (We will use the wife for all these examples, because that is what is most common, but it also could be the man.)
This is probably the most asked question of us. First, swinging is not for everyone and maybe your wife is one of those who shouldn't. But, if you truly believe that she might be OK with it, then here our some of our thoughts on it.

So how do I bring up the subject of swinging to get her interested?
Communication! This is biggest cause of swinging couples problems (come to think of it, all couples). You should have good communications (or develop it) if you are going to swing. Talk about your fantasies. Show her things like this document (be sure whatever you show her has something that will interest her). Again, talk, talk, talk. We can't stress it enough!

OK, she says she will consider it. How do we start?
Depends on your situation and where you live. We are based in Auckland, New Zealand, where there are 2 commercial on-premise swing clubs. Parties can also be found. If you live somewhere that does not have any Clubs, you will probably have to be more creative. We started by advertising in one of the national swing magazines with fairly good success. Now days the future is on-line. You might be amazed on how many couples that you will find on the Internet.

How do we meet other couples?
Simple. Answer ads. Go to the Clubs. Go to the parties. Be out-going!

So we are going to a couples dance, party or Club. What do we wear and what do we expect?
Dress depends on the party or Club. Ask your host or other club members. Usual dress will be casual, but neat. Remember, you are trying to make a good impression. What to expect depends on the event. But whatever it is, be relaxed. No one will make you do anything against your will. So "go with the flow" and have a good time.

What kind of people are swingers?
Very normal people. We've met everyone one from neurosurgeons to ditch diggers. Swingers tend to be outgoing, less conservative, sometimes outrageous. They tend not to be religious. Physically you will see all types; tall or short, skinny or fat, young or old, and all mixes in between.

OK we will answer or place an ad. What should we say?
Say the truth. Honestly describe yourselves and what you are looking for. Be specific. If you are placing an ad, photos will increase your response. No, it doesn't have to be nude or "action". Just the opposite is true. Sexy is better than slutty. When answering ads we recommend that you don't send nude photos until you know the person on the other end is for real. There are many "photo collectors" posing as couples. Also photocopies are fine for first letters.

OK, we answered an ad. How should we meet?
Our recommendations are to meet at a neutral setting (IE restaurant or lounge). This makes it much easier to leave if things don't go well. Be on time and make sure that you have given each other specific contact information (IE. What kind of car, dress, etc). Prepare preset signals to communicate between the you and your partner, such as yes, no, maybe, let's get the hell out of here.

So now we've met and want to get down to business. What from here?
Don't be shy, ask. Make arrangements. Talk between the couples. What are the rules? Same room, different rooms, etc. Once the ground rules are set, go for it. Just remember, NO means NO, at any time.

I'm a single guy. How come so many ads say "no single males"?
To most of us in the "lifestyle", swinging is not only physical, but philosophical. Swinging is sharing. Sharing is two-sided and single guys tend to be takers and not givers. We know that's a generalisation, but from past experience here are some problems we have seen. Single guys seem to be self-centred (IE, What's in it for me?). They tend to be rushed (IE. Hi. Let's fuck.) We have had a real problem with them becoming too attached and clingy (IE. Falling in love with the lady). Single guys are viewed as being a greater health risk. Now all that is not to say that a single can't be successful finding couples. It happens all the time, but you must realize that swinging is still a couples game.

What about safe sex?
Many couples insist on it, some don't. It is a personal decision between you and your partner. There are many scary diseases out there so, do what you feel comfortable with. In 14 years, we have only heard of a couple of incidences of STDs in the swinging community. So on the whole it's not a problem (unless you beat the odds). We will say that the AIDS scare seems to be overblown. AIDS shouldn't be the reason for not swinging, because it is easily prevented. I would worry more about the more common STDs like chlamydia, gonorrhoea or hepatitis B (there is a vaccine for that one, get it). Never let anyone tell you not to use protection, if that is your desire.

What is "soft" and "hard" swinging?
Hard swinging usually mean that sexual intercourse is involved. Soft swinging is everything up to intercourse or in some instances not swapping partners.

What is a "hardcore" swinger?
A couple who's only interest is sex and lot's of it. Their life tends to revolve around swinging.

What is a "Wannabe"?
Usually a single or married male that is trying to get involved but doesn't have a partner. So they will lie about a partner to meet you. The partner then "conveniently" can't make it. Even worse is the "wannabe" that will bring an unsuspecting person as their "ticket" into a couples party.

My wife or I are a little overweight. Should we wait till we lose wait to swing?
Well, it's always nice to lose a little weight if you need to. But don't let that stop you. You will find all types (and shapes) of couples at events. So don't worry (but being HWP [height and weight proportional] does give you more options).

So tell us the most important things you can tell us about swinging from your 15 plus years of experience?